A man has reportedly set a new record for the longest time pretending to understand cryptocurrency, maintaining a steady expression of thoughtful concern for 14 hours straight. Witnesses say he achieved peak realism by nodding exactly every 47 seconds, as if receiving invisible market wisdom.
The attempt took place at a folding table in a neutral community hall, under lighting that made every decision feel permanent. Observers with clipboards timed each nod while an hourglass nearby appeared to barely move, as if even the sand was unsure.
Evidence includes a notebook filled with triangles and arrows pointing to the word “maybe,” plus a calculator that displayed 0.00 and still got flipped over for privacy. A dark phone screen remained on the table the entire time, yet drew intense stares like it was broadcasting complex charts directly into his soul.
Judges also confirmed he used the phrase “interesting volatility” while staring at the blank phone, then followed it with a long, respectful pause. At one point he took a sip of coffee and exhaled in a way that suggested he had just read something deeply technical, or simply remembered a password.
Small proof details were cataloged, including a perfectly timed brow furrow at the mention of “wallets” and a finger tap that appeared to signal agreement with absolutely nothing. Witnesses reported he occasionally murmured “right, right” to the air, possibly to reassure nearby furniture.
“His performance demonstrates advanced conversational endurance, plus a disciplined relationship with vague agreement,” said Lorna Bexley, adjudicator for the National Registry of Plausible Expertise.
The attempt ended when someone asked him to explain it without using the word “blockchain.” Officials say his face briefly searched for an exit, then settled into an honest silence that the room reportedly found refreshing.
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