Department of Transit Produce Launches “Bushel-to-Board” Program

Public transportation just got fruitier in the most literal way. In a move that is equal parts quirky and nutritious, city buses now greet passengers not with a beep of a fare card, but with conductors ready to count every last apple in your bushel. Forget spare change or tap-to-ride apps. If you want to hop aboard, a brimming basket of apples is your golden ticket.

Morning commutes now feature a parade of apple-toting riders teetering under the weight of their fruity fare. Passengers juggle Honeycrisps, Granny Smiths, and the occasional rogue McIntosh as they inch toward the front, baskets in tow. Dropped apples are swiftly retrieved and congratulated on their adventurous roll down the curb.

Waiting for the next bus has never been sweeter. With a few extra minutes, would-be riders swap pie secrets, debate the ideal level of tartness, and organize spur-of-the-moment cider tastings under the shelter. Forgot lunch? No problem. Someone will trade a shiny Cortland for a top-tier crumble recipe.

Once aboard, the adventure continues. The cabin hums with the gentle thud of baskets settling into nooks, while brave snackers take mid-ride bites. Handrails glisten with the faintest sheen of sticky sweetness, a reminder that orchard season is alive and well, and that wet wipes are a commuter’s best friend.

Ridership has reached record highs, possibly because the buses smell like rolling orchards on crisp mornings. Riders who once dreaded the commute now revel in fresh air, fresh fruit, and surprisingly lively apple banter. Nothing bonds a crowd quite like a collectively sticky situation.

Transit officials are already floating expansion plans. Rumor suggests a Peach Express next summer, although veterans warn that bushels of peaches may require reinforced suspension and very patient drivers. The Bureau of Seasonal Transit Upgrades is reportedly drafting a “Stone Fruit Stability Protocol,” just in case.

So next time you head out, double-check your bag and bring an extra apple for your seatmate. Around here, the bushel is the new boarding pass, and no one is ever accused of apples-ing under pressure.