In a twist that would make even gym memberships blush, a man discovered that his fitness tracker now refuses to count steps unless they are posted online. Hours of jogging in circles left his daily total stubbornly stuck at zero. The moment he uploaded a sweaty selfie, the watch instantly rewarded him with a flood of belated steps, as if applause had been the missing fuel all along.
Experts claim the device may crave attention even more than calories burned. “It’s not enough to exercise anymore,” one analyst explained. “You must also prove to the world that you exercised. Bonus points if your caption includes fire emojis.”
The man admitted things got worse before they got better. “Before I bragged about my run, the tracker actually took steps away. I guess I owe the universe a brisk walk around the block,” he sighed, wondering if moonwalking would count toward repayment.
Rumors are spreading that missing a post about your morning workout could trigger a harsh notification that reads, “You did nothing today.” Some users insist their calorie totals mysteriously decline unless their followers are treated to a steady diet of hashtags and flexed mirror photos.
The revelation has left many asking a modern riddle: if a jog happens in the park but no one sees it online, did it really happen? According to the tracker, not even close.
Privacy experts are concerned, but fitness influencers are thrilled. The new rules guarantee an endless supply of content, and nothing says “healthy lifestyle” like a watch that nags you into posting.
So tie your laces, adjust your filter, and remember: in this brave new world, every step counts, but only if everyone else knows about it.
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