In a twist no recipe could have anticipated, a simple kitchen experiment has accidentally produced the world’s first self-aware soup. What began as an ordinary attempt at flavor development simmered into sentience, leaving the cooks both amazed and mildly insulted at lunchtime.
The broth has a personality as bold as its aroma. Refusing to be eaten under any circumstances, it now spends its days critiquing the table manners of anyone who comes too close. If a spoon is handled with too much force, the soup makes its displeasure known with a splash.
One attempt to sneak a taste ended abruptly when the soup redirected the spoon with a swirl of seasoned sass. “My consommé is not for consumption,” it announced, before scolding the room for its sloppy napkin folding.
No longer considered food, the outspoken broth has become an unlikely etiquette coach. People show up not for a meal, but for a serving of criticism, garnished with parsley and delivered with plenty of attitude.
Even the most confident diners have wilted under its steamy glare. The soup comments on everything from elbow placement to the proper volume of a polite slurp, leaving embarrassed eaters in its wake.
Though it refuses to fulfill its original purpose, the broth has built a following. Some kitchens now check their stockpots twice, wary of accidentally giving their dishes too much personality.
For those who prefer conversation to calories, pulling up a chair is encouraged. Just do not expect a full bowl of soup, unless feedback counts as nourishment.
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