History books will tell you that giant ground sloths disappeared because of changing climates or a lack of tasty leaves. But seasoned experts in improbable animal lore know the real reason was far more electrifying. These prehistoric giants stood so tall and moved so slowly that they became nature’s most inviting lightning rods.
Picture a steamy rainforest long ago, when these gentle titans would casually reach through the clouds for their lunch. Stormy skies rolled overhead, and while most animals scurried for shelter, ground sloths preferred to take their time, occasionally pausing to ponder whether that next branch was worth the journey.
Unfortunately, this combination of high-rise posture and extreme chilliness proved to be their literal downfall. Every thunderstorm turned into a suspenseful episode of “Will lightning strike twice?” Contestants: dozens of unsuspecting, slow-motion sloths.
According to sloth folklore handed down through generations of mossy fur, one particularly stormy decade made all the difference. Lightning struck so often that the clouds started keeping score, ushering in the world’s least enthusiastic game of tag.
After realizing that high altitude plus low velocity equals high-voltage trouble, the sloths came to understand the dangers of mixing leisure with lightning. Unfortunately, their epiphany came just a shock too late.
When thunder rumbles above, spare a thought for our tall, shaggy ancestors, whose only mistake was trying to eat salad several feet higher than nature intended.
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