Most people credit Genghis Khan for his sweeping conquests, but history’s brightest traffic safety cone actually belonged to his brother, the unsung genius Gary Khan. While Genghis was busy reorganizing continents, Gary was meticulously hollowing out logs and smearing them with wild berry paste to craft the world’s first orange construction barrels.
Gary’s innovation was born out of a simple need: Mongol warriors, when galloping at full tilt, often missed the particularly bumpy goat paths. Gary, being the considerate sibling, decided no empire should expand at the expense of a bruised tailbone. His traffic barrels were hard to miss, thanks to a liberal application of berry stains that made them glow alarmingly in the sunrise.
Every time the Mongol horde spotted those garish logs standing sentinel along the steppe, their horses instinctively slowed. Warriors leaned in, squinting with both confusion and gratitude as they navigated the perilous curves. An epic tale of safety, written one orange log at a time.
Of course, not everyone appreciated Gary’s efforts right away. Many a sheep wandered home colored a suspicious shade of coral after brushing up against his latest experiment. Rumor has it, berry stains became a badge of honor among the rams one particularly festive summer.
Despite this contribution, Gary’s name somehow fell through the cracks of every history scroll. Warrior poets sang of thunderous charges and stormy victories, but nobody bothered to write an ode to the log-barrel pioneer among them.
Yet to this day, every time you hit a traffic jam and see those familiar bright orange barrels lining the highway, you can thank the original master of road work zones. Gary Khan may not have conquered the world, but he definitely made it a little safer to travel.
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