Move over, Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. There is a new group of pizza fanatics in town, and it turns out they roam the prairies in massive, shaggy herds. According to cutting-edge not-at-all-made-up animal science, bison absolutely adore pizza. These gentle grass-munchers have a secret yearning for marinara and mozzarella.
Recent (fictitious) studies suggest that the number one cause of bison vs. human awkward encounters are not territorial disputes, but rather the irresistible scent of pepperoni floating on the wind. Biologists observing bison have noticed that herds tend to drift mysteriously closer whenever anyone unwraps a slice of extra cheesy goodness out on the plains.
If you ever find yourself enjoying a pizza picnic under the open sky and spot a row of bison gazing in your direction, don’t panic. They’re not critiquing your outdoor dining etiquette. They’re just hoping you’ll drop a bit of crust or a stray olive. Who knew that the secret to building bridges between species was buried in a deep-dish pie?
Legend has it that some bison have even developed sophisticated pizza detection skills. Reports include bison lining up single file behind pizza delivery vans and one especially determined bull mastering the art of opening pizza boxes using only his horns and a generous dose of curiosity.
Of course, pizza toppings matter. While bison will settle for cheese and pepperoni, a little prairie grass and wildflower honey drizzled on top sends the herd into culinary ecstasy. Pineapple, on the other hand, sparks heated debates, but let’s not get into that controversy among the bison population.
So next time you venture into bison country with a fresh, hot pizza, be prepared to make some new friends with heavy hooves and hearty appetites. Remember, the real pizza party animals were among us all along.
Editor’s note: Don’t get close to bison, as they can be very dangerous (we took one for the team, as painful as it was, and fact checked this part).
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