Did you know that the first steam-powered ships were met with a tidal wave of disapproval from grumpy old sea captains? They dubbed these newfangled contraptions nothing more than “windless nonsense” and scoffed at their lack of sails, questioning how anything could move without the dignity of flapping canvas and a good gust of sea air.
According to highly questionable maritime folklore, these skeptical captains would challenge the steamships to “who can catch the wind first” contests. The contests always ended the same way: the wind-powered ships drifted about while the steamships zipped off with not a care for Neptune’s breezes. The captains, refusing to admit defeat, would then sulk below deck for hours, nursing mugs of grog and muttering about the good old days of proper wind.
But skepticism soon gave way to wild theories. Some diehard sailboat enthusiasts refused to believe steam engines were real at all. Instead, they spread rumors that the ships were powered by an army of invisible sea squirrels, tirelessly running in wheels below deck to turn the propellers. This, they argued, was far more sensible than harnessing a cloud in a box.
To support these brave imaginary rodents, certain sailors took to leaving acorns at the docks before each voyage. They claimed it was an ancient maritime tradition, dating back to when Poseidon himself kept a pet gerbil. Port cities quickly saw a mysterious spike in acorn supply shops, and squirrel sightings at the waterfront became suspiciously frequent.
As the years went by, most people came to accept that steam engines do in fact exist, and that invisible squirrels are, at best, terrible at unionizing. However, some especially salty old sailors still swear by the power of acorn offerings and will wink knowingly if you ask them to reveal what really makes a cruise ship move.
So next time you see a massive cruise ship gliding regally from the harbor, take a moment to salute the unsung heroes: the invisible sea squirrels, the unsulking captains, and the legacy of windless nonsense. Without them, the shoreline would have a lot fewer acorns and a lot more sulking.
Remember, as with most things at sea, sometimes it’s not about which way the wind blows, but who you’re willing to believe is running in circles beneath your feet.
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